Sometimes, as moms, we go around thinking people are judging us for how we do things.  I guess sometimes they are - even though I'd love to be able to say that it just isn't the case. 

Here's the thing though, that mom you think is watching you and picking apart how you parent... she is a little too busy with life and her own kids to focus on how you are doing things.  Although, I bet she somehow has time to contemplate the possibility that you are judging her from the sidelines as well.

A friend of mine recently made me consider that when we talk about someone else "thinking" something negative about us, chances are that whatever we think they are thinking isn't what they are thinking at all, but rather it is what we ourselves are self-conscious about in the situation.

Moral of the story, relax and be kind to yourself.  Assume she doesn't have anything negative to say about you.  And get out of your own head and don't say anything negative about you either!  My guess is you're a great mom and you are doing the best you can and making choices that work for your family.  They don't have to work for anyone else's family - just yours.

Take it from someone who's been through being a new mom and learned from experience - not to mention heard from many other moms who gave a manual pump a chance, that they would never go back!  From one mama to another: go get yourself a hand pump and stick it in your purse, or your hospital bag if you haven't had your baby yet, right now so you'll always have all your bases covered - at least as far as pumping is concerned!

1. It is just so much smaller and more simple (read: less intimidating to the new - and sleepy - mom in you)

2. Much less expensive than those fancy shmancy electric pumps

3. The learning curve is easier with a hand pump

4. Many women get more milk, faster, with a hand pump than with an electric pump

5. There aren't a bazillion tubes and pieces to worry about and set up before you're ready to pump

6. You don't need to be near an outlet, or use batteries either, so you can literally pump anywhere (Trust me, I've done it - I've pumped in a neonatal resuscitation class because I couldn't miss anything but still needed to pump.  I even pumped in the bathroom in one of my client's rooms while she was in labor - it was great that I could pop in there, pump real quick, and get back to providing labor support in a flash!) 

7. You can pack it in your bag for the hospital so that just in case for whatever reason your baby doesn't get to be with you right away you can already start pumping and stimulating your milk production instead of waiting to see how long your baby will be away and if you're going to need a hospital grade pump.  Also in case it takes your busy nurse a while to get an order for a pump from the hospital, and then even longer for that pump to end up delivered to your room

8. If you are super engorged and so your baby is having a hard time latching, it is much easier to just grab your hand pump and express/pump a little milk to soften your breast just enough for your baby to be able to latch, instead of having to get your whole electric pump out and set up and ready to pump, with a hungry and crying baby right there waiting for his lunch

9. The first few times you are away from your baby for a few hours, toss your hand pump in your purse and take it along with you just in case you unexpectedly get painfully "full" or end up out longer than you expected.  Having that pump right there with you allows you to be so much more flexible without having to lug around a whole other bag with a heavy electric pump and all its parts and pieces (not to mention find somewhere discreet and comfortable to plug it in and pump wherever you happen to be)

10. You have direct control over how fast or how slow to pump.  The rhythm you find yourself pumping at may even be more similar to your baby's sucking pattern, so you could get more and better let-downs of milk than you might with an electric pump where you have to just keep playing with the settings

11. Whenever you travel by air and need to take your pump along, you can have your little hand pump right in your purse and airport security won't even have to check it out because it doesn't have a motor to make them suspicious

12. You won't feel like you're being "milked like a cow" because you'll be the one in control and doing the actual expressing/pumping

13. If you end up actually NEEDING an electric pump because you and your baby are unable to nurse and you are going to spend any time pumping exclusively, you'll want to be using a hospital grade pump anyway, so you'll be glad you didn't spend the money on a regular electric pump that's just going to sit in your closet (at least that's where my electric pump now lives - and yes I did need a hospital grade pump for the first week or so of my daughter's life)

If you're like me, you'll try your hand pump once and never look back!  If anyone had told me to just get a hand pump in the first place I would have skipped the electric pump altogether and maybe spent the money on something more essential (or more cute and fun!) instead.

Click here to see the hand pump I have.

Here's the one I might get in the future.  Not the best reviews in the world, but I've seen it in action and want it!

So, as a mom, you never know what kind of day you'll have.  Today was one of those days that started out bad to the point of being hilarious actually, then turned into an incredible day that reminded me why I have faith in God and why I believe things happen for a reason.  I feel like everything is just falling into place in my life.   I am so grateful.

How today started out...

I decided to take Daliya and go meet a couple of friends out at the beach.  I was already out driving when I decided to go, so I went without even checking that I had sunscreen in my purse (bad idea - I didn't have any and Daliya and I both ended up pretty burnt, and I can tell you first hand how sad it makes a mama to have a toasty red little girl who can't even get comfortable to sleep!)

We ended up going to the wrong beach somehow and after driving around and around finally figured it all out, and an hour and 15 minutes later I spotted my friends' cars along the side of the road.  I made a quick U-turn, and then CRAP!!!  Just like that, my car sank right into the sand.  I was like, you've got to be kidding me!!!  I sat there for a minute having absolutely no clue what to do, when Daliya started getting all worked up and crying in the back because she was "all done" being in the car.  I stood up and realized I needed to pee so bad after driving for so long and was going to eventually have to go find a discreet spot to go pee out in the open (no bathrooms anywhere remotely near this part of the beach).

So I put my hazard lights on, grabbed Daliya, locked the car and went to find my friends.  As I crossed the road, SPLAT!!! More CRAP!!!  WHAT!!??!!  Seriosuly???!!!  Yeah, that's what went through my head as this crazy bird kept circling around my head!!  Then, well isn't it good luck to get pooped on (by a bird!), right?

Anyway, some amazing friends (and one stranger who parked a little way behind my stuck car!), helped me get cleaned up, watch Daliya, and even get my car out of the sand!  I'm so lucky that even though I might have felt completely dumbfounded and like I was in a silly movie or something, I never had to feel alone for a minute.

Thank you to my wonderful friends Ashley, Elisabeth, Sacha, and Jen!!!  You rocked my world today each in your own way - or rather, balanced it back out to even better than normal! 

On another note, in case you're wondering, I'm not ready to share the exciting news that really made my day today, but I'll just say this:  I will be seeing my LA peeps a lot sooner than I expected, and Daliya and I are going to be doing a lot of traveling - just the 2 of us (so wish me more luck!) -  in the months to come. 

Only downside is we will miss Jordan so so soooo much whenever we are away from P'cola! ;-(

I'm just gonna say it.  When it comes to working out I'm just plain lazy.  There's always some excuse... I ate recently and I'm still too full, I'm afraid my knee might end up hurting and I just can't deal with that today with all the things I need to get done, my toe still hurts from the other day when my daughter dropped a can on it, I'm gonna get all sweaty and I don't know if I'll have time to shower until after Daliya goes to bed tonight... I could go on and on, but who really wants to hear all my excuses?

Well I came up with a solution just now... out of necessity really - or at least that's what I'm going to call it! (I came down and tried to put the TV on to watch during my workout, but the language menu is over the entire picture and I can't seem to figure out how to get it off!)  I can't just be in my head for an entire 45 minutes without anything to watch or listen to now can I? ;)

Yesterday it would have just been another excuse to skip the workout.  Today it forced me to come up with something else to do while I'm on my elyptical.  I'm blogging!

Yup!  That's what I said, and here's how I decided to do it: I just opened up a blank email on my phone, put my own email address in the send to box and "workout" in the subject line.  Then I just started typing my post as an email that I will copy and paste later on... sometime after I get that much needed shower in!

So if you're thinking about how you might apply this in your own life to get motivated and get on that workout machine you have sitting there collecting dust, I'll get you started:

• Respond to that email you've been putting off cuz you think it'll take longer than 3 minutes to write and send

• Blog if you blog

• Jot down (in an email on your phone of course) some of the new, cute, or silly things your little one did in the last few days (or weeks) since you last worked out or worked on your scrapbook - wouldn't it be a hoot if these could end up overlapping?  Well it could happen if you make it happen!  And you'll probably even look back and thank me for the idea years from now.  You're welcome in advance! ;)

Ok, so just typing thus far has taken me over 20 minutes - the absolute minimum I ever work out (if you don't count the zero minutes when I make excuses - ha!)

You might be thinking, "well that's a great idea and all, but why would I waste my time typing something up on my phone that I could OBVIOUSLY get out ten times as fast if I were typing on an actual computer?" 

Here's the thing, if I had gone and sat down at my computer to type a post or a list or whatever on there because it would have been easier and faster, I never would have ended up working out this morning.  Trust me, I can guarantee that.

The extra work, the slower pace, and the distraction were totally worth it.

If you're tempted to take my advice and try it, just do it!  I dare you mama!!!

I still can't help but picture Lucille Ball in an I Love Lucy episode eating her sardines in ice cream every time I hear about pregnancy cravings.

We've all heard about crazy cravings (and if you read You’re Going To Eat That?!?!  Another post from The Nurturing Daddy, you've heard about my personal cravings!), but I bet you haven't put too much thought into what might be causing those cravings, have you?

Well, guess what, cravings can happen for a reason!  And as a student midwife I was put on the spot more than a couple times to decipher what was causing certain cravings.  The easiest and most common craving that I came across over and over again was peanut butter.  A woman who is craving peanut butter might be needing additional protein in her diet.  Not only that, but let's say she has been craving peanut butter and ice chips.  Her body is probably battling iron deficiency.  Craving ice is the classic sign, but peanut butter also has iron that is pretty easy for the body to absorb - easier even than an iron supplement, if I understand correctly.  So, if you are pregnant and craving ice you'll definitely want to get your iron levels checked ASAP.  And if you're craving peanut butter, and you're eating peanut butter as well as upping your overall protein intake but it doesn't seem to be helping, you might want to get your iron levels checked too. 

Other cravings that might be telling you that you need more protein in your diet are things like meat, fish, and dairy products.  You should generally be aiming for 80 grams of protein a day while you are pregnant - especially in your 2nd and 3rd trimesters; 60g is good if you are early in your pregnancy and dealing with morning sickness.  (On a side note, if this is you and you are currently battling morning sickness, check out my homepage here to find out how to get free access to my 3 step system to "Kick Your Morning Sickness to the Curb").

Back to the cravings....  So my guess is that if you, or me (with my gefilte fish and chocolate shake), or Lucy (with her sardines and ice cream) just HAD to have some salty fish with something sweet, we might have had a few things going on that our bodies were trying to tell us:

1) Craving something salty?  Your blood volume is rapidly expanding as it should be to prepare for giving birth, but your body needs adequate salt to be able to handle all that extra blood without putting too much strain on your kidneys and liver.

2) Craving fish or other protein-rich foods?  As I said above, you may need to up your protein to 60 to 80 grams a day, or even more like 100g if you have high blood pressure, have been warned that you are high risk for preeclampsia, or if you are carrying more than one baby in that womb of yours!

3) Craving sweets?  Your body might be dealing with an overgrowth of yeast, which is actually pretty common during pregnancy.  Want to know more about this one and tips to actually curb those sugar cravings and balance out the yeast in your body?  Just scroll on back up the page and sign up for the NM E-zine because this coming week's issue will feature an article about exactly that!  And last time I gave the advice I'm going to share with you in my article, the response I got was a text message from my client telling me that my advice was "genius" and it totally worked within just a few days!  So don't delay, just scroll on up there and enter your name and email, then click the "Keep me posted!" button - it's just that easy!

It's funny how Father's Day can change for a girl once she becomes a mom and has a man in her life who is the father of her child (or children).  Growing up, Father's Day always felt like it was about being with family and spending quality time - focused time - together, and the cards, the gifts, and the occasional "alligator" pastry were just trivial (yet appreciated!) perks. 

Somehow I always felt like the men we were celebrating - Daddy, Grandpa Sol, Grandpa Sam, and even my uncles - were also somehow there because they wanted to celebrate their time with us too.  They made us feel so loved.  I wonder if we did the same for them.  I hope so.

And I'll just put it out there that my dad is pretty awesome too and I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for his patience, encouragement, love, and just general support throughout my life.  I think my dad set the perfect example for the nurturing qualities I should look for in the man who would become the father of my child - of my children, God willing.

Just as I hope that my father has felt appreciated over the years I'm sitting here thinking (while my hubby and daughter take a Father's Day nap)  about how lucky I feel to have such an amazing man as the father of my daughter, and wondering if there's any way to truly let my husband know how much I appreciate everything he does and the way in which he interacts with Daliya. 

I can't tell you how much I love overhearing him talk to her, be loving when she needs love, be silly when she's open to giggles and creativity, and even the way he says things to her like "I love your poopies... and I'm glad they're in the potty!"  Seriously though, how could I not enjoy overhearing comments like that?! (And who would have ever dreamed of their husband saying these hilarious and adorable things until actually having a little one to say them to!?!)


I'd love to hear from you 1) something cute or silly you've overheard your child's dad say to your little one, and 2) something special you did for Father's Day today that you all enjoyed or that really showed your appreciation for your man.  Maybe we can all enjoy each others' stories and get some fun ideas from each other for planning random "thank you" or family days. 

Even if you're pregnant and don't have any little ones around yet, my guess is you still either gave your partner a gift or at least made Father's Day special in some tiny way like talking about your future together as parents and dreaming about what this time next year might be like.  Either way, please leave a comment below - I'd love to hear from you!  

I've seen a lot of amazing women birth their babies with strength and peace and I always wish I could rewind and witness the beauty over again.  Birthing is such an intimate time. 

Thought I'd share this video (not a client of mine) that I have gone back to many times just for the pure enjoyment of it.

Proud of this mama, even if I don't know her personally.

I have to tell you what an honor it is to serve as a woman's pregnancy mentor and then have her continue to reach out to me for input as she navigates her path as a Nurtured Mommy.

A past client and good friend of mine, Rebekah, told me recently that to the outside world it seems like Daliya and I have less structure in our day than a lot of other moms and babies she knows.  She asked me if I'd share my perspective on structure.

As a new mom you hear from so many people that having a routine is very important, that kids thrive on structure and that that is the only way to keep them happy and keep you "together" or sane as your children learn and grow. 

I do agree that a *flexible* routine can do wonders, especially for any baby who seems overwhelmed by changes from day to day.  However, I also believe that the routine should be based off of the child's natural schedule as much as possible and that you need to start meshing your own needs with the needs of your baby as early as possible; so that you can avoid feeling like you are stuck at home or isolated and resentful, while still respecting and fulfilling your child's needs.

What do I mean by "natural schedule" you ask?  Well, each baby (and child, for that matter) has his own rhythm and his own individual needs that pretty much dictate when he is going to be happy and energetic and when he is going to want to wind down and seem unhappy or overtired if he doesn't get to sleep when he needs to.

The trick is to follow his cues and base the structure in your day off of what you observe as his daily rhythm.  For example, if you see that your little one tends to get frustrated, easily overstimulated, or just generally sleepy around 10am each morning, then you will want to aim to either be at home where he can nap around that time (perk of being at home: you can either nap too or get things done around the house!) or you will want to be somewhere that he can cuddle with you and fall asleep on you.

This brings me to how to begin meshing your needs with the needs of your baby.  And this is really what makes my life seem so much less structured and more flexible so that I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want even when I I have my daughter with me practically 24/7. 

My mindset from the beginning was that I wanted my daughter to have all her needs met (or as many as possible) while also continuing to be flexible.  I figured she was used to the noises of our day to day life already, having heard everything I heard for the greater part of my pregnancy.  I decided that if she could sleep through whatever she needed to then, and still thrive and grow, then why not encourage her to continue to do this? 

I did a lot of babywearing with her, and I still make sure I have my Ergo with me when I'm out so that I can wear her if she needs to sleep on me and I can't just sit with her asleep in my lap.  Also, being an anthropologist and spending so much time traveling around Latin America, I knew that in many many cultures around the world, babies and children take their naps on their mothers from day one. 

You might be wondering how these babies get enough sleep if they are always out and about and around people all day long.  My answer for you is that they adapt and they either get into a deep sleep and take a couple long naps in the middle of all the hustle and bustle around them, or they take shorter naps, but more often throughout the day - whenever they need to.

For our family a typical day at home looks something like this: Wake up at 7:30am, chill out in bed while D runs around and plays (I make sure the bathroom doors are closed, and everything else is already babyproofed), we all get dressed around 8 and go downstairs and eat breakfast around 8:30.  Jordan leaves for work and D and I play and read books downstairs.  Somewhere between 9:30 and 11:30 she starts to act like she could take a nap, so we make our way upstairs and lay down.  Sometimes she falls asleep then and sometimes she doesn't - some days she ends up with only an afternoon nap.  If she stays awake we have a snack and play some more, but if she does take a morning nap then she wakes up hungry and we have lunch pretty much right away.  Then the afternoon consists of more playing and reading, sometimes swimming, and another snack or 2 to hold us over till dinnertime.  She also tends to nap again, but the time depends on if she napped in the morning.  If she did, then she'll usually be tired again around 3pm.  If not, then she goes to sleep around 1pm.  In the evening we tend to have dinner around 7pm and then we get her ready for bed right away and she's asleep somewhere between 7:30 and 8pm.

Now since I know this is her basic schedule, when I want to be out for the day I have to keep this all in mind and make sure that her day can still go something like this: wake up, play, eat, play, (nap), eat, play, nap, eat, play, eat, get ready for bed, sleep.  As long as she knows she can expect to alternate playing, eating, and sleeping, then eating and playing and doing it all over again, that's predictable enough of a schedule for her to be happy and it works whether we are at home or out and about.

The thing is, the naps are what can throw a kink in any mom's day because regardless of where you are, you do have to support your baby in falling asleep - whether this means noticing that your little one is getting sleepy and putting him in an Ergo or other carrier, or if it means snuggling up and nursing in a comfortable chair wherever you are, or it could even mean aiming to be in the car from one place to another at that time so your baby gets a nap in that way.

As a mom you have to be flexible, and honestly, as a person your child is going to eventually have to learn to be flexible yet still value and meet his own needs.  So why not start living that way right from the start?

It can be really hard for kids when they go from being the center of attention to the big brother or big sister.  It is even harder when mommy needs to sit quietly with the baby for what feels like (and often is!) hours and hours throughout the day to nurse. 

This is often the hardest part of the day for a big brother or big sister, and moms are always searching for ways to help their toddler or older kids feel engaged and loved during these times.  Not to mention ways to combat resentment and desperate attention-getting tactics.

Here's something you can do:  put together a nursing basket for your toddler or older children to take out whenever you are nursing the baby.  Just gather a few special toys - maybe even a babydoll for them to "nurse" too - and put them together in a basket that only gets to be out and played with during nursing time. 

If you want, you can include some books and toys that you can join in with while you nurse, but make sure that anything you include that requires you to engage is something you are happy doing (and able to do one-handed!) while you nurse your baby at the same time.

When did you start solids with Daliya?  Did you start with rice cereal?  Did you make your own baby food?

I've been getting these questions a lot lately so I thought there might be more of you out there who might be interested in my answers and the thought process behind our choices.

First of all, we started solids when Daliya was just about 7 months old.  My original plan was to wait until she got two teeth because I have heard that the saliva changes by the time a baby gets her second tooth and that saliva plays an integral part in digestion, so 2 teeth is a good indicator of a baby's body being ready to digest actual solid food. 

My other 2 criteria for knowing when to start solids were 1) the reflex to push food out of her mouth with her tongue went away, and 2) a baby who is interested in food and itching to get her hands on it!  This was ultimately the reason I didn't wait for the second tooth to come in in the end - I felt like I was depriving her because she wanted the food we were eating so badly!

On to the next question I've been getting:
No, we did not start with rice cereal.  Daliya has never had rice cereal.  And no, we did not "make our own baby food."  We just didn't ever buy baby food either! 

We started with avocado and other soft whole foods that we could just mush up a little and feed them to her as is, or let her hold them and gnaw on them on her own.  Some of her first foods were avocado, banana, sweet potato, steamed carrots, and potato - all healthy things that we would be happy to snack on with her as well. 

We started this way for 2 reasons, 1) I had heard about "leaky gut" and that children's (or adults', for that matter) intestines are not always closed to the rest of the body system, so certain carbohydrates that are harder to digest can negatively impact health and increase the risk of allergies, and 2) we wanted our daughter to get used to the flavors of whole foods so that she would have a strong base for healthy eating from the beginning of her life.

At this point it seems like my plans worked!  My child LOVES her fruits and veggies and will generally choose whole foods over processed foods that are put in front of her.  We were recently at a family Shabbat dinner at our shul (synagogue) and Daliya decided that all she wanted to eat was green beans.  And she did - she probably ate about 4 or 5 servings of them actually, and was totally thrilled with her dinner!

Even if people are telling you that you better start solids now that your baby is 6 months old, or that you should start with rice cereal and jarred baby food, you don't have to listen to them for your baby to be healthy and thriving.  Trust your instincts and logic. 

For me personally, a good rule of thumb is to avoid doing anything just because everyone else is doing it or because it is the norm in our society.  Do your own digging if you want to and find out more about your options, or just go with your gut and take the leap into whatever it is that feels right.  You know what's right for your baby and what's right for your family.  You really do.