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Mistakes

5/2/2012

10 Comments

 
I was tossing and turning last night because I made a mistake yesterday.  Luckily this particular mistake only cost me about $40 and I know that in the grand scheme of things that's really not a big deal, but it still felt unsettling.  I ended up spending some time reflecting on mistakes I've made in the past - some big, some small, some that have completely changed my life for the better, and others that have started a ripple effect that is still in the process of unfolding, that may or may not ultimately result in something I'm happy about.  Maybe this all sounds a little vague, but my point is that we all make mistakes sometimes and there's no going back.  If you're a perfectionist like I am you probably dwell just a little too much on the fact that you didn't quite think things out, didn't do the research you "should have" done, or you just went with the decision that felt right but didn't turn out the way you imagined it would. 

The thing is, you can't forget that as long as you make a point to trust your instincts in the moment, nothing else matters.  Fine if it doesn't turn out the way you pictured, or doesn't even turn out in a way you feel is positive.  You made the best decision you possibly could have made in the moment and the truth is that it may have turned out better than whatever the potential alternative was. 

And guess what.  If you're a mom, well if you're a human being, but especially if you're a mom, you're gonna be making plenty of mistakes along the way as you teach and care for and love your children.  They may even remember a few of your mistakes.  But in the end it isn't the mistakes that are important.  How you you make your kids feel on a day to day basis is what's important.  It's also what shapes human beings.

I'm debating sharing a mistake I made the day Daliya, my daughter, was born.  It is hard to share really personal details, especially when I still feel like I'm healing emotionally from that particular mistake.  If you're reading this and you want to hear about it, post a comment of love or support and maybe I'll let myself be really really vulnerable in my next post, and let you in on an intimacy of my path to becoming a mom, just like I hope you'll let me in on yours.
10 Comments
Mollye
5/1/2012 11:52:42 pm

I love your blog.

I've made some big Mommy mistakes, so you're not alone at all. I'm still healing from them as well... I'm not so sure I'll ever forgive myself.

My first mistake was during my birth experience, but that ended up okay since he was delivered healthy and safely.

But recently he fell off the bed on my watch. He had a bloody lip and we took him to the ER. I was convinced they were going to take him away from me. He was okay, they told me mistakes happen, etc...

Three days later, it happened AGAIN. Needless to say, I'm terrified to continue co sleeping and I've been sleeping on his nursery floor. :(

It's okay to make mistakes. We all do. I'm just so scared that one mistake will be terrible. The "what ifs" about mistakes terrify me.

Reply
Becky link
5/2/2012 12:09:14 am

Oh Mollye I hear you - on all your points!!

Daliya fell off the bed on my watch twice too, it is so terrifying and you feel sooo guilty! What I decided to do was put a bean bag chair against the bed so that if she were to roll off again she wouldn't get hurt. It totally worked! I can't remember how many times it happened after that because it wasn't traumatic anymore. She just seemed surprised for a second but not even upset. And soon enough, learned how to get off the bed on her own anyway.

Get yourself off the floor mama! You have to take care of your body too, and think outside the box to keep your little guy as safe as you can while still giving him the space to grow and learn (while he's awake! ;)).

Reply
Terri
5/2/2012 01:43:27 am

#4, is the only one left who has not fallen off my bed. I wish I could say it was while I was sleeping, but we were both fully awake, and #1-3 all decided to learn to roll over while I was getting dressed...children are resilient, and they teach mommies the same lesson.

Sarah
5/2/2012 01:18:13 am

Mollye, maybe a bed rail or putting your mattress on the floor? I use a memory foam pillow behind E, its heavy so she can't move it.

Becky, your blog has been a blessing to me!! I too am s perfectionist....we are so hard on ourselves. We have to be able to move on from mistakes though, so our little ones can see that its okay, everyone messes up.

Reply
Becky link
5/2/2012 01:35:28 am

So true Sarah, so true. And I'm so glad that what I have to share is making a difference to you guys. :)

Just as a side note, be careful if you put your mattress on the floor. I knew someone who did that and realized one day that the entire underside was completely covered in mold because there wasn't enough air flow. We now have a low profile (queen size!) bed that's just a few inches off the ground in Daliya's room, so if she were to fall off now it wouldn't be a problem. I looove co-sleeping but it is also nice that she has her own bed now where I can go lay down and nurse her and sleep if I want to, but then have my own bed to go back to when I want, too.

Reply
Natalie
5/2/2012 02:01:59 am

I'm sure whatever mistake you made will beet with loads of support. We've ALL made mistakes and the one thing I find every single mother share is a sense of guilt. It doesn't matter if you work or stay home or have 1 kid or 6, we all feel guilty about not doing something right. And it makes everyone feel better to hear about another mother we admire (you:) share about how they aren't perfect.

Reply
Becky link
5/2/2012 01:00:06 pm

Aw, Natalie, thank you. I'm blushing. You're right, I'm not perfect, and I'm becoming more and more ok with that! :)

Reply
Becky link
5/3/2012 11:55:46 am

Just posted the follow up with the mistake I made on Daliya's birth-day, in case any of you were wondering. Picture to come.

Reply
Sarah
5/3/2012 12:46:46 pm

I'm over here crying. Thankyou for sharing your story so others can relate and share and heal. I would love to share my birth with you as well...i, thankfully was able to not have a csection but everything else was not what i imagined. Sometimes I wish I had had one so my body wouldn't be so messed up. I didn't get to hold Evee right away either, its the part of it all that is still the hardest for me.

Love to you and your sweet girl.

Reply
Becky link
5/3/2012 01:20:22 pm

Thank you for the love Sarah. I have to say it was really hard to get myself to start writing all that out, but I feel like it is already encouraging my healing process. :) Would you like to write me your birth story in an email to share with just me and then you'll also have it for you, to read over and help you process, and to have as a keepsake since after all it is still your birth story? Even though I couldn't be there with you I would still love to hear it.

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    Creator of Nurtured Mommy. Doula. HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator.
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Becky Gerson, CD(DONA), HBCE:  HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator. Doula. Aspiring midwife. Breastfeeding advocate. Holistic mama.